Loving with Your Heart

A few days ago the Lord spoke to my heart about one of my relationships, showing me that my affection for that person was mostly affection of the mind. I knew they were a great person to have in my life, knew I could trust them and knew their walk with the Lord was genuine. I was also pretty convinced I was supposed to be in relationship with them. Thus, I cared for them. The Lord showed me that the affection I acknowledged toward them had not really reached my heart. I felt an assurance that it would be okay to let my heart feel what my mind had already figured out. Though it would come with a deeper vulnerability and great risk, it was going to be good.

Isn’t this also how we treat ministry? We feed the homeless because God said to. We send money to World Vision because we know God would like that. We pick up trash because we’re supposed to serve. We volunteer at church because we should. We care for the heart of the Lord in a head knowledge kind of way, but we may never truly get our heart wrapped up in His. And being in a relationship without heart involvement is a dangerous place to be.

I help to serve meals at a soup kitchen in Cairo twice a week. When I’m having a hard day, I often don’t even make eye contact with the people who come in. What’s the point? They’re chronically poor, close to homeless and often times addicts. My eye contact, my genuine investment in them as people isn’t going to make a lick of difference. But on days when I’m obedient to the Lord, on days His heart is my main concern, I feel a great deal of love for these people. The Lord gives me opportunities to lay hands on individuals and pray with them, to listen to their stories, to see individuals as individuals who need the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When my heart cares about the Father’s heart, it also cares for His babies who are dying for Truth.

This week I sat down with one of these people, a pseudo father to a student I work with, and listened to his stories for nearly an hour. More than once my eyes threatened to flood with tears as I heard of remarkable provision from Jesus throughout this man’s life. I asked him if he had a relationship with Jesus and he told me he used to, but had seemingly been shunned by his church because of lies that had been spoken about him. He equated a relationship with Jesus to church involvement. As a person involved in the church as a whole, I apologized to him for the way he was treated. Christians make lots of mistakes and they need to be forgiven. I told him I really didn’t care if he was going to church (yes, fellowship is important and the Lord loves The Church, but attending church does not = salvation!), I cared if he knew Jesus as His Savior, if he had a relationship with Him. I cared about his eternal salvation. The man seemed caught off guard by my response, no doubt under the influence of a religious spirit. He shared with me how he talks to the Lord daily with his son and is often in the Word. He was forthright with details of his life and allowed me to pray with him.

Was I looking for the supernatural that day? Sadly, no. I was caught in a strain of mediocrity due to allergies, daily patterns and an inward focus. However, the Lord allowed my heart to light up for one of His Beloved’s and I was deeply impacted. This person was more than worthy of my love and the Lord used him to humble me, to teach me again how to stop for the one, how to care for the one, how to love the one with not only my mind, but also my heart.

Jesus+Subway+Family=Heaven on Earth

The sweet romance of Jesus is the most exhilarating part of my life. The intimate characteristics of this Son of God melt the deepest places of my heart. He holds my hand every moment as possibilities for the future swirl all around me; He lays down in the grass with me and admires these swirling possibilities, as well as surprises and mysteries as though they were constellations in the night sky, teaching me the beauty of the unknown at the same time as He shows me how to enjoy each moment.

Yesterday, after a series of busy weeks and life changing conversations that have led me to be caught up in the future, my evening plans were cancelled and I became freed up to go to Devin’s baseball game. This felt like a restful vacation for me, sitting wrapped in a quilt by myself sipping coffee on familiar bleachers where I’ve watched Devin time and time again, where my heart has swelled with love and pride for him more often than I can account for. I was grateful for a few hours to enjoy life, enjoy laughter, even enjoy being by myself.

After the game D’Erick, Devin and I had dinner at Subway. Time spent with them is precious to me and our visits have been few, so I was completely overwhelmed with happiness to have an unexpected evening with them, eating at a healthy restaurant in Cairo.  While in line to complete our order I spotted a high school student I had limited interaction with two years ago. During my first year in Cairo the Lord had completely broken my heart for this young man, laying him on my heart often, giving me a deep care for him. Though I had prayed for him privately and cried over the Lord’s desire for him, I had never had an opportunity to speak to him about the depth of the love Christ has for him. I began talking to him while we were both in line, asking about his grades, shallow questions about his life, etc. As I paid and began to walk away from him I felt the Lord prompt me to purchase his dinner with some tithe money. I took a moment to put my stuff down and deal with the nerves I had about trying to talk to him again and then walked over to him. I handed him my credit card and told him Jesus had told me he wanted to buy him dinner. He seemed surprised but was willing, because it’s virtually impossible to say no to the love of Christ! Yay! 🙂

After completing his order, the young man returned my credit card and as he leaned against the wall near our table words about the Lord’s love for him began to pour out of me. I’m not totally sure how our conversation started, but I was so excited to finally share with him what the Lord had shared with me about him years ago. I told him that in that first year I worked with him the Lord would speak to me about him often, sometimes burdening me for hours a day. His response was, “Really? What did He say?” Out of this 16-year-old “thug” a deep desire for love and affirmation flowed, a great tenderness towards the Lord. I excitedly asked about specifics the Lord had shared with me and he confirmed them. I spoke over the Lord’s plans for him, the way He speaks to this young man often, the way He desires for this young man to hear him. I shared with him that the Lord doesn’t speak to me often about students this intensely and I was amazed at the Lord’s great love for him, I knew the Lord had something very special for him. This young man barely flinched the whole time I spewed, completely soft-hearted towards the possibility of God seeing him and truly loving him. As I finished my love rant, I asked if I could bless him. He held my hand as I prayed prayers with him that I’ve been so burdened to pray for him in the secret place over the years. What an amazing experience. There is no tangible way to express the amount of joy I felt, the amount of overflowing love the Lord has for His children.

As this young man left Subway to go sit on the back of someone’s car and eat his sandwich, Devin and D’Erick both looked at me excitedly and said, “That was good!” Watching two boys whom I love so deeply react to sharing the heart of the Lord with one of their peers blessed me even deeper still. Living in Christ’s love is inexpressibly wonderful. I am enthralled with the extravagant romance of Jesus Christ, His deep desire to love me in new ways every moment, to express His affection for me and those around me in the most vibrant ways. He is truly The Beginning and End, the life in every breath I breathe and the most wonderful Lover. In the midst of big scale transition, He guides me into unexpected opportunities with ones He places right in front of me. He doesn’t wait for our future to romance us, He isn’t intimidated by change. He makes our paths straight each moment.

Please pray for that young man. Though he is familiar with church culture, I don’t know if he has a relationship with Jesus. I do know, though, that God passionately desires him and is pursuing him every moment. Save him, Lord!